Sometimes, pregnancy just plain sucks! No matter how much one would like to pretend otherwise, there are days you just want to roll into a ball under your cozy comforter and never leave the bed. And/or, make your significant other stay home from work because you need someone else to keep your sorry ass company in feeling sorry for your sorry ass. That’s what significant others are for, among other things, right?
Here are some completely legit reasons why pregnancy sucks:
1. You are a ball of worry. You worry if the Baby moves too much (is s/he uncomfortable in there?) and you go insane when the Baby isn’t moving (is s/he still alive in there?) Your inadequacies haunt you in your sleep and your fears show up in the horrifying shreds of your unusually vivid dreams.
2. You no longer walk. Your sexy gate has been reduced to a huffy-puffy waddle.
3. You feel FAT most days. Your uterus has been hijacked by a melon-sized object that keeps growing (how’s that even possible?!). On top of that, you have no idea of how you will ever get it out of there (this sure seems like a great time to start praying!)
4. You cannot eat the raw foods you used to enjoy and yet you crave them oh-so-much! Bye-bye, rare steak, sushi, sunny-side up eggs, ceviche and Brie.
5. Bye-bye booze. Oh, how I miss thou, red wine!
6. None of your clothes fit. As you pack them away into storage, you secretly wonder if they ever will (um, they most probably won’t because you just felt your hips spreading even further apart as you lifted that box).
7. All of a sudden, sex is weird. You’re dry like a desert, sex hurts and both you and your Hubby are afraid of hurting the Baby!
8. You are an endless river of pee, no matter what time of day or night it is.
9. Sleep? What sleep? Not having consecutive hours of sleep is now a total norm.
10. Pooping is a thing of the past. Your body just plain went and forgot how to do it. Constipation rules your life. A wholesome diet of prune juice, anyone?
And because sometimes we just need to feel extra sorry for ourselves, here’s your ‘Pregnancy Sucks’ bonus:
11. Your boobs hurt. Like, all the time, regardless of the trimester you’re in. They look great and you finally look like you’ve got something to fill out that decolletage. Buy the price tag always reads, “Pain”.